Everybody Switch!
by Amarin Rose
Summary: Switch: Part 3 Pairings: Bakura-Ryou, Malik-Duke, Yami-Yugi, Joey-Tristan, Seto-Mai, Mokuba-Serenity, Marik-Téa Summary: Marik is playing a joke on everybody this time! Marik plus Spell equals Disaster with a capital D. 'Nuff said, ne? (TRILOGY COMPLETE)
1. Prologue

**In The Beginning…Things Were Screwed Up **

* * *

**In Which Everybody…Well, _Almost_ Everybody…Switches**

**

* * *

**

There are some undeniable truths in the universe.

Some of these are very philosophical, such as, 'Morality is not defined and cannot be defined by individual choice.'

Some of them are romantic, such as, 'Love is the only human emotion that cannot be controlled.'

Some of them are even very simple, yet no less important for all that, such as, 'Men and women are different,' or, 'Time is the most valuable commodity, and the most carelessly squandered.'

Most of them, however, are not so rational.

For instance, no matter how ironic, there is no denying that there is always at least **one** pair of socks you will lose one of and never find again. The same thing goes with earrings.

Hot dogs are sold in packages of ten; hot dog **buns**, however, are sold in packages of eight – and no one knows why.

The book is almost always better than the movie, especially in cases where half the storyline was cut from the book to fit it into a two and a half hour film.

The one sunny summer day you do not bring an umbrella with you 'just in case' **is** the one day it pours buckets.

And, despite the fact that this phenomenon has only ever happened once in the history of the world (thankfully so): when a group of people who include two reincarnated ancient Egyptian spirits given corporeal form, their reincarnations who are both Japanese teenagers, one reincarnation of an ancient Egyptian High Priest who is now the CEO of a major gaming company, one formerly crazy but now mostly sane **modern** Egyptian, his yami who **is** slightly off his rocker, and their friends get together for a party…and one member of their group, Joey Wheeler by name, has spiked the punch…**something** will go wrong.

**Especially** when Marik Ishtar, who loves playing pranks – and has possession of an ancient Egyptian magical Item that controls a large amount of Shadow Magic – is bored.

And plotting.


	2. Week 1

**In The Aftermath, There Was Chaos. And Yami Said…**

* * *

**In Which Things Are Chaotic**

* * *

**Japanese **

Ano – Um…  
Koi – Lover, Boy/Girlfriend  
Nani? – What?  
Urusai! – Shut up!

* * *

_Bakura's choice of reading material was inspired by the Bakura/Ryou AU fic, 'The Thief' by The Inspector, which is a take-off on the book of the same name._

* * *

Baring her teeth, Yami gritted out, "If it's the last thing I ever do, I **will** make Marik pay for this."

Yugi sighed and, crossing her arms over her rather overdeveloped, even for a girl – which she was now, but **only** temporarily – chest, shot her koi a look. "Urusai, Yami," she snapped. "You've been repeating various versions of that for the last hour, and I'm sick of it."

"Well, if you'd just let me Mind-Crush him when we all woke up like **this**…" Yami gestured to her chest, which, thankfully for her, was not as well-endowed as her hikari's.

"It's a practical joke, Yami; there was no malicious intent on Marik's part. You can't kill him or even drive him insane for that," Yugi protested. "Besides, Téa shoved several of those magic chocolates down his throat when she found out what he'd done, so at least he's getting a taste of his own 'medicine' so to speak."

Yami brightened a little at that information. "I **still** want to have a little…talk…with him, though," she growled.

Rolling her eyes, Yugi muttered, "A talk. Riiiiggght, Yami."

How she wished Marik had grown up more than he had. He was apparently stuck in the preteen boy phase, with about as much intelligence – and hormones – as a thirteen-year-old.

The former dark spirit had used the Millennium Rod, and a spell he'd dug up from…somewhere…to imbue a couple of dozen chocolates with the ability to change the sex of whoever ate them for a specific period of time. He'd brought them to the beach party they'd had this past weekend and handed them out to all the party-goers.

And Joey's spiking of the punch at the party had gotten them all drunk enough to accept the chocolates from Marik. Now, almost no one was their correct gender.

Mokuba hadn't been at the party, and so he'd escaped. The same circumstances had saved Serenity. Mai, no fool she, had stayed away from the punch, and, subsequently, the chocolates. Bakura was able to hold her liquor better than even Joey, and hadn't gotten drunk in the first place, so had steered clear of Marik's chocolates. Not that it would have mattered, since apparently the chocolates only worked on men – Téa had eaten three, and was still female.

Of course, so was everybody else…

* * *

At The _Other_ Game Shop

* * *

Duke leaned back against her bedroom wall, mirth dancing across her lips as she watched Malik – or, rather, her ass, which was the only part of her that Duke could see – dig through the walk-in closet. "Aren't you glad I kept you from throwing out all your girl clothes?" she said cheekily. "Otherwise you wouldn't have anything to wear."

Malik popped out of the doorway, an armful of clothes in her hands. She scowled at her lover. "And neither would you," she returned smartly. Dropping her pile of vestments on the bed, she proceeded to sort through for items of the feminine apparel that would fit Duke. It would be a pretty time-consuming process since Duke was both taller and broader than her.

"Point," Duke agreed complacently, folding her arms over her chest. She wasn't nearly as well-endowed as Malik was, but since she'd only eaten three chocolates, she hopefully wouldn't have time to get uncomfortable enough with her new 'assets' to need to wear a bra.

Malik, lucky girl, had only eaten **two-thirds** of one chocolate, so she would probably be back to normal by Thursday.

In the meantime, however…

"Malik?" Duke asked coyly, twirling one lock of raven hair around her finger.

Giving her 'girlfriend' a suspicious glance, Malik said slowly, "Yes…?"

"Aren't you at all curious?"

Malik's eyes narrowed. "About what?"

"What it feels like for a girl," Duke said suggestively, canting her hips forward in a blatant display of implications best left in the bedroom.

Which, actually, was their current locale…

"Nani?" Malik squeaked. She blushed. "You're kidding," she said, voice flat.

Duke just grinned.

"You **must** be kidding," Malik continued. "Because if you're not, then you've gone absolutely fucking **crazy**."

"I may be female at the moment, but my hormones are still male," Duke quipped. "And no matter what gender you are, you're **damn** fine, Malik."

Malik growled. "No fair using my own words against me," she said.

"All's fair in love and sex," Duke said airily.

Groaning, Malik buried her head in her hands.

* * *

Taylor (And, For The Foreseeable Future, Wheeler) Residence

* * *

"This is all **your** fault, Joey!" Tristan yelled, her voice rising with each word.

"It was **Marik** who spiked those chocolates," Joey protested, backing up until she hit the wall. She cringed as the walking embodiment of murderous rage that was her best friend came closer.

"And it was **you** who spiked the punch so none of us were sober enough not to take any of them," Tristan said pointedly, emphasizing her words by jabbing a finger against Joey's chest.

Joey moaned and slumped back against the wall, burying her head in her hands. "I know, I know…"

Tristan sighed and pulled back, dropping down on the couch. She was **so** glad her parents were out of town for the next month. Yugi and Yami had it easy, since Solomon already knew about Yami and the Shadow Magic, but his parents still thought they had a normal son with a **normal** life.

Yeah, right. It's the day after a high school beach party; do you know what gender your child is?

**

* * *

**

The Black Crown – Upstairs Bedroom

* * *

"Wow…that was…" Malik panted, still coming down from the high of her **third** orgasm.

In the past hour, yet. Women didn't have refractory periods – meaning **way** more orgasms were possible in the same amount of time as a man's orgasm.

Maybe being a girl wasn't **all** bad.

And she **definitely** should have given in to Duke's suggestion sooner, instead of keeping him at arms-length for the past two days. She'd turn back to her regular gender any day now.

Duke stretched like a cat, enjoying the flicker of arousal in Malik's eyes as she performed the movement. Yes, Malik liked guys better than girls – but she still liked breasts, especially when they were attached to her 'girlfriend's' chest. "Yeah, it was," she agreed smugly, eyes raking over her koi's sweat-sheened body.

Malik blushed and made an aborted movement to pull a sheet up over her naked torso. She sighed as she realized it would be a lost cause since Duke had already seen everything she had, and instead just turned onto her side so that her back wasn't on display.

A week of sex – no matter how body-shakingly arousing or heartbreakingly beautiful – was still not enough to fight off decade-old demons.

Maybe two weeks…

"You wanna go again?" Duke asked, trailing one hand suggestively over Malik's left thigh.

Breathing hitching in her throat, Malik could only nod. Even if she wasn't in love with Duke – and she was beginning to think that Cleopatra wasn't the **only** Queen of Denial – she certainly **wanted** him.

And he – or, well, for the next eighteen days **she** – definitely wanted her.

Someone who was physically attracted to Malik, and also genuinely liked her as a person. Not to mention was great in bed. What a novel concept.

**

* * *

**

Ryou And Bakura's House

* * *

"Morning," Ryou yawned as she came down the stairs two days after GC-Day.

Gender-Change Day, of course.

Bakura looked up from her copy of _The Thief_ by Megan Whalen Turner and smiled at the tousled, rumpled, just-out-of-bed-and-sexy-as-all-hell picture her lover made. She'd always **thought** she was straight…

Maybe she was just Ryou-sexual? Anyway…

"Morning, Ry. Sleep well?" Bakura asked.

Ryou groaned and flopped down next to her on the couch, burying her head in Bakura's shoulder.

Bakura managed to keep the mirth out of her voice, but the smile still crept over her face. "I take it that's a 'no'?" she asked dryly.

One brown eye opened and glared at her. "Why didn't you ever tell me that PMS was this bad?" Ryou demanded. "I swear, these cramps are so awful I feel like I'm being split in half."

"Ah, poor hikari," Bakura said, words teasing, but tone conciliatory. "Lucky me, I don't get PMS."

"You don't?" Ryou asked, distinctly remembering several instances when she'd written her mischievous behavior off to her 'monthly hormonal eruptions' as she called them.

Sounded like a good description to her. Ryou felt like her whole body was waging war against itself.

She smirked. "No, I just use it as an excuse to act like a bitch."

An involuntary grin came over Ryou's face. "That is **so** you, 'Kura."

She shrugged, one arm coming around to wrap around Ryou's shoulders. "I gotta be me, Ryou."

* * *

Ishtar Residence

* * *

Malik **should** have been surprised by the fact that Isis opened the door before she could even get her key out – but she wasn't. Her older sister didn't use the Millennium Tauk to tell the future all that often. And when she did, it was more like the Tauk used her. But the longer the golden Item was in her possession, the more precognizant she got without its use.

Telemarketers had almost quit calling their house since no one ever answered when they did.

"Hello, Malik," Isis greeted her 'sister.'

Scuffing her feet against the welcome mat, Malik gave a crooked smile. "Hey, Isis," Malik said lowly as she stared with wary caution past her sister towards the interior of the apartment.

"Marik isn't here," Isis reassured the other. "You want to talk?" she asked needlessly. She knew what Malik was there for.

Malik nodded gratefully.

Moments later found the two – for the moment – female Ishtars sitting across from each other in the living room.

"What did you want to talk about, Malik?" Isis asked.

Taking a deep breath, Malik quickly spelled out her reasons for being there. "Do you know what spell Marik used in those chocolates?"

Isis blinked once, deliberately. She'd seen this coming, of course, but still hadn't quite been convinced that Malik would actually go through with her request.

_Oh, Malik… _Isis thought, compassion causing her heart to constrict._ How could I not have noticed how low your self-esteem has gotten? I thought you knew… You don't need to change in order for people to love you._ "Yes, but why would you want to use it? I thought you disliked being a girl."

Malik ducked her head. "It isn't **all** bad," she said defensively, but her tone wasn't very convincing. At all.

Quirking one raven brow, Isis waited for her 'sister' to continue.

Malik sighed and slumped back against the couch. "I…all right, I do dislike it. Hate it, really, despite the…" She blushed and looked down, her eyes glued to the floor. "…rather nice benefits. I like being a guy. But…" She halted, unable to make herself continue with her train of thought. _But I like…**love** Duke more…_

"Malik…" Isis said gently, coming over to wrap an arm around her younger sibling. " Duke likes you as a guy, too. He doesn't only want you because you're female right now. He likes you for **you**. Because of who you are. No matter what gender you happen to be."

Tears pricked at Malik's eyes before she roughly brushed them away. "How can you be so sure?" she asked, breath hitching with suppressed sobs. "You may be able to see the future, but you can't tell what people are thinking."

"I do see the future," Isis said agreeably. "And I've seen yours," she revealed.

Malik blinked in surprise. "You have?"

Isis nodded silently.

"What…what did you see?" Malik asked, throat dry from anxious anticipation.

"It was at least five years in the future," Isis said.

"And?" Malik asked anxiously, impatient.

Isis smiled. "You and Duke looked very happy together."

"We did?" Malik asked dubiously, unable to keep hope from rising inside him.

"Do you not believe me?" Isis asked archly.

Malik shook her head slowly, face hidden by a curtain of flaxen hair. "Of course it's not that, it's just…" She sighed, fiddling with a loose thread on the couch. "You know me – I've never been the most optimistic of people."

"I'm not saying that you and Duke will be together forever," Isis cautioned, tipping Malik's head up until the younger girl's lavender gaze met her own green one. "Even I can't be sure of that. But Duke genuinely cares about you. Loves you, even. Just the way you are. Just the way you will be tomorrow," she said, the last sentence punctuated by a smile.

A lump forming in her throat, Malik choked back her tears. Smiling back, she said quietly, "Thanks, Isis."

"What are sisters for?" Isis asked, one arm looping companionably around her younger sibling's shoulders.

Malik smiled. What else, indeed.

* * *

**Meanwhile, Back At The Ranch… Ano, I Mean The Kame Game Shop…**

* * *

"It's not the worst thing in the world, Yami," Yugi tried to console his other. He'd turned back to his normal gender two days previously and had been dealing with a short-tempered yami ever since. Sour grapes were indeed a bitter fruit. "And this go-round, we **know** there's a time limit. Each chocolate only lasts for a specific amount of time. You won't be a girl forever. I wasn't."

Yami's grimace – which looked just as fierce as when he was male, if slightly more winsome now that he was female – deepened. "Maybe not, but it'll still feel like it."

Something like dread coiled around Yugi's heart. "How many did you eat, Yami?" he asked fearfully. Marik had made several **dozen** of the little candies, and in all the confusion, no one had bothered to count how many were left over before packing them up to be disposed of.

"Five," Yami said, almost in a whisper.

Yugi breathed a sigh of relief. Okay, this wasn't necessarily **good**, but it wasn't as bad as he'd been fearing. "Well, then this shouldn't last for more than five weeks, maybe less. Each candy was supposed to last a week, but depending on metabolism, and some magical factors, they could only last four or five days. So in a little over a month, you'll be back to your old self. Just in time for school," he finished evilly.

Yami put her head in her hands and groaned.


	3. Week 2

**Double Your Pleasure, Double Your Insanity**

* * *

**In Which Things Are Twice As Insane As They Normally Are**

* * *

**Japanese**

Arigatou – Thank You  
Chiisai Houko – Little Treasure  
Hai – Yes (Formal)  
Koi – Lover, Boy/Girlfriend  
Nani? – What?

* * *

**Kaiba Mansion**

* * *

"So how did you handle your week as a girl, Kaiba?" Yugi asked, sitting down across from the CEO in the living room.

"Why do you want to know, Moto?" Seto asked.

Yugi sighed. "Yami's going crazy. He ate five of the chocolates; I, like you, only had one. I was wondering if there were any tips you could give us…?" He let his words trail off expectantly, hoping that his implicit request for help would appeal to the other man's ego. Seto gave good advice when he was in the mood; Yugi only hoped that this was one of those times.

Seto looked reflective for a moment. "Tell him you still love him," he said finally, eyes focused on some far-off point.

Surprised – no shit, since when did Seto Kaiba give out **relationship** advice? – Yugi sputtered, "Nani?"

Heaving a sigh, Seto said, "Despite how little physical appearance really matters in the big picture…in the small picture, it's very important. Let me ask you this: for the first week, when you were both going through this, he was pretty okay with the change, right? More worried about you than about himself?"

Yugi nodded slowly.

"And then you changed back, and he got depressed and started to avoid you?" Seto continued.

Again, Yugi nodded. "Hai," he added softly. "He's hardly talking to me at all."

"It's because he's worried you won't love him anymore," Seto revealed.

Frowning, Yugi said, "How could he feel like that? Nothing could ever get me to stop loving him – especially not something as silly and transcendental as this!"

"And he knows that," Seto reassured him. "He just needs to hear it right now because he's feeling vulnerable."

"Vulnerable?" Yugi asked in disbelief. His yami, the former Pharaoh of Egypt…**vulnerable**?

Seto nodded. "When you were both girls, he could sublimate his fears in taking care of you, but now that you're the one taking care of him…they're back, full force."

Thinking on the CEO's words, Yugi finally came to the conclusion that Seto was, in all probability, right. It **did** sound like what Yami had been going through the past week or so. "How do you know this will work, Seto?" Yugi asked softly.

Seto gave him a lopsided smile. "You yourself have commented on how alike Yami and I are, Moto."

Yugi nodded for Seto to continue.

"And since neither Mokuba nor…Mai…ate any of the chocolates…" Seto trailed off and looked away. "I just basically skipped what Yami went through the first week and started with the events of the second."

Yugi's face softened. "Oh…"

Silence reigned for a long moment.

"It wasn't all bad," Seto revealed.

"Oh?" Yugi repeated.

"I found out some rather…interesting things," Seto said almost idly.

"Like what?" Yugi inquired.

Grinning slightly, Seto said, "Did you know Mai is bisexual?"

Yugi boggled.

**

* * *

**

**Home Of The Bakurae**

* * *

"Aren't you at all weirded out by this?" Ryou asked tiredly. She'd been female for only a little over a week – and was hating every minute of it. While the horrors of PMS had subsided somewhat, she still felt completely drained most of the time. So it was no wonder that most afternoons – this one being no exception – found the two lovers lounging in the living room, Ryou's head pillowed on Bakura's lap as they talked, read, watched a movie, or just enjoyed each other's company.

At the moment, Ryou was poking at her new breasts and cringing at the ache said action caused. Women certainly had a right to be bitchy considering their bodies rebelled against them at every turn. And **all** month, not just one week out of every four. She made a face as the mounded flesh jiggled slightly as Bakura combed her fingers through her hair.

"Of course I am, hikari," Bakura said. "But being 'weirded out,' as you put it, doesn't mean dissolving into hysterics."

Glaring at her koi, Ryou said, "You'd better not be referring to me in **any** way, shape or form, 'Kura." Okay, so she hadn't taken her change in gender all that well. None of them had, really, and as far as she knew – aside from Malik – she was the only one that had menstruated.

If Ryou had ever been inclined to think PMS a myth – which she hadn't – her thoughts would have been proven wrong by the trials she'd endured during the past week.

Bakura smirked. "Would I do that?" she asked mock-innocently.

Ryou's eyes narrowed. "Yes," she said scathingly.

Bakura chuckled. "Well, maybe so. But at the moment, I'm not baiting you."

Ryou grumbled slightly, but subsided back into her yami's lap, enjoying the patting her head was receiving. Bakura had definitely been more affectionate since Ryou's change.

Maybe this wasn't **all** bad.

Now, if she could just figure out how to combat the mood swings without downing half a pound of chocolate a day…

* * *

**Taylor-Nee-Wheeler**** House**

* * *

"This sucks," Joey declared.

"What is it this time, Josephine?" Taylor demanded.

Glaring at her friend for the twist on her name, Joey said, "Bein' cooped up like dis. We can't leave da house all dat much fer fear dat someone'll see us and recognize us."

Tristan shrugged. "Yugi invited us over this weekend to watch movies."

Blowing out a breath of frustration that ruffled her messy blonde hair, Joey said, "Yeah, I know. But it's so boring around here." _Well…not entirely boring. I like spending time with you, of course. Did even before I fell in love with you._

"We could play a game," Tristan offered.

Joey perked up at that. "Anything but Duel Monsters," she clarified. "I've had enough of dat lately ta last me fer a good, long while."

"Sure, Joe," Tristan agreed. _You know I'd do anything for you. Would even before I fell in love with you._

* * *

**The Kame Game Shop**

* * *

"Yami?" Yugi called as he entered the shop through the employee entrance.

"In the storeroom, aibou," came Yami's husky alto.

Turning down the hall, Yugi quickly came to the storeroom door. He could see Yami inside, standing on a stool as she sorted through boxes of Duel Monsters card packs.

"Looking for new cards?" Yugi asked.

Yami shook her head and plucked three unopened boxes from the top of the crate she'd been rummaging through. "No, but I noticed the display up front was almost out of the holographic foils and wanted to get some more."

Frowning slightly, Yugi asked, "And you had to go through the whole crate to find them?"

Yami shrugged and headed up the stairs, Yugi in her wake. "You know we combined the remnants of several different crates into one since they were all almost empty, aibou. I didn't want to open a new crate unless I was sure there weren't any other boxes."

Yugi nodded in acceptance. "So what do you want to do once we get the cards set out?" he asked as they entered the store.

"I thought I might close the store early and take a nap, actually," Yami said sheepishly, setting the boxes down on the counter. Ripping open the top of the first box, she continued, "For some reason, I've been more tired than usual since this whole thing started."

_The stress of all that worrying you've been doing, I would assume,_ Yugi thought but did not say. Now that he was looking for it, he saw how rigid Yami was, holding herself so tensely, as if she could keep her anxieties away by sheer will alone.

"That sounds like a good plan," Yugi said instead, helping his lover set the other two boxes out. "I'll watch the store; you go take a nap and I'll wake you for dinner."

"Thanks, aibou," Yami said, giving him a quick hug.

"No problem, koi," Yugi replied, inwardly smiling at the blush the endearment provoked. _Yes, Yami, I still love and want you. And if I have my way, by this time tomorrow, you won't doubt that._ "See you in a few hours, Yami," he said, his voice not betraying his thoughts.

"A-all right," Yami said haltingly, before turning to walk up the stairs.

Once he was sure his other was out of hearing range, Yugi said, "Now…to plot. Operation: Seduce Yami is a go."

* * *

When the sun was just starting to think about setting, Yugi removed the ramen he'd cooked from the stove, pouring it into two bowls. After waiting for it to cool somewhat, he carried it upstairs to his and Yami's shared bedroom. Juggling the tray holding two bowls and two cups of tea, he carefully opened the door, trying not to wake his lover up. He placed the tray on his desk and turned towards the bed.

Yami, like always, had shunned the bedcovers. Her Egyptian heritage caused her to be warmer than most people, and the summer heat was too stifling for her to add anything extra on top of herself during her slumber.

Including excess clothing. Right now she was wearing a tank top and a pair of boxers – his, Yugi noticed. Since she was smaller as a girl, Yami had had to borrow quite a few of Yugi's clothes those first few days before Malik had shown up. The Egyptian hikari had donated the few 'female' clothes he had to them, since he himself would (hopefully) never have a need for them again.

Creeping up over the bed, Yugi positioned himself over his aibou. He waited with bated breath, counting down silently until the moment he would make his move…

And struck.

Fingers skating up his lover's ribs, Yugi smirked as Yami came awake in a flurry of tickle-induced spasms, laughter, and half-awake gasps for breath. He continued to skate his fingers down her sides for another minute or two, then stopped to allow her to catch her breath.

"Yugi, what was that…for?" Yami demanded once she'd gotten most of her breath back.

"I felt like it," Yugi said guilelessly. Straddling his aibou, he rubbed against her teasingly, leaning down to capture her lips. She tensed slightly as Yugi deepened the oral embrace, her lips remaining rigid for the first few seconds. Little by little she relaxed, Yugi's hand on her neck massaging some of the stiffness out of her. When he finally pulled back, Yami was looking up at him with an amazement-skewed smile on her face.

When Yami finally caught her breath, she asked, "And what was that for?" rather breathlessly.

"Oh," he said teasingly. "I've never kissed a girl before. Just wanted to know what it was like."

Yami mock-scowled. "You've never done a lot of things with a girl before, hikari," she growled pointedly.

"Well, then I have a lot to catch up on, don't I?" he said, before bending back to resume his previous activities.

Lunch could wait. They could always reheat it. That's what microwaves were for.


	4. Week 3

**Stupidity – Like Insanity – Is Catching. Or At Least Contagious.**

* * *

**In Which People Do Stupid – And Not-So-Stupid – Things**

* * *

**Japanese**

Ojii-san – Grandfather  
Sugoi! – All right/Awesome!

* * *

**The Kame Game Shop**

* * *

"Speaking of doing things with a girl…" Yami brought up.

Yugi arched one eyebrow and continued straightening the inventory on the shelves. Not that he thought all that many people would be coming in that day; it was a Tuesday, it was extremely hot, and to top it all off, it was summer. Anyone who normally would come in on their day off had better things to do than buy games.

"You realize, of course, that **I've** never done any of those things with a girl before," Yami said artlessly, examining a chip in her nail polish. Being that she was going to be female for at least two more weeks, she'd decided to embrace her feminine side, and her finger and toenails were now painted a dark purple shade which matched her hair.

She hadn't given up her leather, though, so at the moment, she resembled the kind of girl your mother warned you about – or would have, if she'd known such a girl existed.

"Where exactly are you going with this, Yami?" Yugi asked, something like dread – more like fearful curiosity laced with anticipation – pooling in his stomach.

"Well, I was just thinking… Ojii-san's going out of town for a week, and if you wanted to do a little **experimenting**…" Yami let his voice trail off suggestively.

Yugi pondered that half-voiced suggestion. While most people thought of him as an innocent child, he was actually very adventurous – in the bedroom, at least. Even though he liked Yami as a guy best, it was true that he'd enjoyed their explorations these past three weeks.

And he would admit – if only to himself – envying the other boy-turned-girl.

Multiple orgasms sure **looked** like fun.

"Do we even **have** any of those chocolates left?" Yugi asked absentmindedly. "I thought we threw them all out."

Yami grinned. _Hook, line and sinker._

**

* * *

**

Kaiba Mansion

* * *

"What in the hell were you thinking?" Kaiba demanded.

"I…"

"Oh, wait, you **weren't** thinking," Kaiba said scathingly.

"But Seto," Mokuba whined.

"Don't 'But Seto' me," Kaiba retorted. "**Why **did you eat one of those chocolates, Mokuba?"

Sighing, Mokuba dropped down onto a nearby chair. "Serenity's mother is letting her have a sleepover party since she didn't get to go to the other party you guys had. She wanted me to come, too," she said. "But her mother put her foot down – no boys allowed, so…"

Seto sighed. While Joey Wheeler did still get on his nerves, Serenity seemed like a very nice girl. Still, Mokuba was twelve, at that age where his hormones had just started working.

Being in a room with half a dozen preteen girls in their nightgowns was **not** something he should be doing.

But then, at the moment, Mokuba wasn't a 'he,' now, was **she**?

"And you went ahead with this without even bothering to find out if I'd let you go to this party?" Seto asked.

Mokuba looked panicked for a moment, before finally offering weakly, "It's better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission?"

A smile tugged at the corners of Seto's lips. It wasn't not like anything would **happen** at the party, after all. Mokuba couldn't very well stare at any of the other girls without drawing attention to herself.

And if there was one thing Mokuba was good at, it was deviousness.

Sighing, Seto said, "You can go. But–" he cut in before Mokuba would release the shout of jubilation he could see building inside of her, "–you are to act like any other girl and not ogle the other partygoers."

Mokuba's eyes went wide. "Any of them?" she asked sadly. After all, 'her' girlfriend would also be at the party.

Seto quirked a grin. "Except Serenity, of course." _Right, like 'she'd' follow my instructions if I told her not to ogle Serenity._

_Besides, it's the mutt's job to protect his sister's virtue, _he thought smugly._ And if he isn't fulfilling his duties as an overprotective older brother, it certainly isn't **my** fault._

"Thank you, Seto!" Mokuba cried, flinging herself at her older brother. "You won't regret this," she mumbled into his trench coat.

Seto snorted. "I already do," he said dryly.

* * *

**Taylor/Wheeler House**

* * *

"Do you have any idea why I really went after Serenity?" Tristan asked out of the blue.

Joey blinked at the non-sequitur. They'd just gotten back from Yugi's and hadn't been in the house five minutes. She certainly hadn't been expecting **that**. Her insides were churning at the thought of her friend and her sister together. The guy she was in love with – who, okay, was currently a girl, but still – had a thing for her **sister**. That hurt on so many levels.

"No, why?" she finally asked, once she was sure she could do so without biting Tristan's head off.

Tristan let out a heavy sigh before finally admitting, "Because I was in denial about the fact that I'm attracted to guys generally, you specifically, and I kept wishing you were a girl so I wouldn't be having all these internal conflicts. Serenity seemed like the answer to my prayers."

Stunned, Joey still managed to say, "Ah…Tris…you might've noticed that my sister and I are almost nothin' alike." _One of the biggest differences being that Serenity likes Kaiba's little brother – and **I** like you._

Tristan grinned ruefully, the expression looking just as cute on his now-female face as it did on his regular one. "Yeah, I know. That's why I stopped competing for her. Girl or guy, I wanted **you**, Joe."

Joey blinked. There was **no** way she could be that lucky.

Was there?

"You mean it?" the blonde asked, nibbling on her lower lip pensively.

Tristan tensed. "Yeah, I do," she said gruffly. "You gonna pound me now?"

Joey smirked. "Not until I get my old body back – I don't have the right equipment fer it in dis one."

Tristan blinked. She shook her head from side-to-side quickly, then blinked again. "You **like** me?" she asked incredulously.

"Duh," Joey said, yanking her friend close by way of the other girl's shirt. _Things **definitely** won't be boring around here now,_ she thought mirthfully.

"Sugoi," Tristan breathed as the blonde pressed their lips together. Maybe getting turned into a girl wasn't **all** bad if she ended up with Joey because of it.


	5. Week 4

**A Little More Conversation – And A _Lot_ More Action**

* * *

**In Which People Do Some Talking And…_Other_ Things**

* * *

**Japanese**

Ecchi – (Playfully) Pervert/Perverted  
Koneko – Kitten  
Neko – Cat  
Hentai – Pervert/Perverted

* * *

**Egyptian**

Miw-sher – Kitten

* * *

**Black Crown Game Shop** – **Upstairs Bathroom**

**

* * *

**

"You know what I really miss about being a guy?" Duke asked as she tried to get her unruly hair into some semblance of its normal style. Why changing genders should change her hair type, she had no clue.

"Having clothes that fit?" Malik asked absently as he squirted out a line of toothpaste on his toothbrush and started scrubbing his teeth. It had been one of the bones of contention that had plagued him for the six and three quarters not-entirely consecutive weeks he'd spent as a girl.

That and that monthly **torture** that happened to women. Not that he'd ever really thought that women were the weaker sex, but anyone that could stand to bleed for one week out of every four and not go insane had a stronger will than he.

"My dick," Duke said succinctly. "It's been so long since I've seen it." She looked mournfully down at the front of the loose pair of black cargo pants she was wearing – no bulge disturbed the front, since she was still a girl. She sighed morosely. "I'm starting to forget what it looks like."

Rinsing and spitting, Malik held back his chuckles. That had been another thing he hadn't liked about being a girl. "Only two more days until you get it back," he pointed out.

Duke nodded glumly.

Malik turned to his 'girlfriend' and added thoughtfully, "But if you miss it that much…"

Duke cocked one eyebrow in question. "Yes?" she asked apprehensively.

"You could always look at mine." Malik grinned cheekily and canted his hips – clothed in only boxers since he was still in the midst of getting dressed – forward suggestively.

Tapping one finger against her chin thoughtfully, Duke mused, "True…"

As their lips met, Malik smirked into the kiss. He had a feeling that they were going to be late to meet the others at Yugi's…

* * *

**Kame Game Shop**

* * *

"Hello, Ryou, Bakura… Glad you could make it," Yami greeted the other yami/hikari pair. Her face was caught halfway between a frown and a smile – a frown because Bakura was there, and a smile because Ryou was.

Bakura shrugged. "Better than listening to her whine about her PMS all day," she said teasingly, shooting her lover a look.

Eyes narrowing, Ryou hmmphed. "It's not my fault I got the short end of the stick gender change-wise." She turned away and folded her arms across her chest in a visible sign of anger.

Yami coughed discreetly, trying to hide a smile. "Yes, well… Joey and Tristan are in the living room. Téa had other plans, and both Mai and Kaiba had to work, so it'll just be the eight of us. I'll grab Yugi and meet you th–"

At that moment, a loud 'RING!' was heard, cutting Yami's words off mid-sentence.

Yami sighed, then continued amidst the loud ringing, "–I'll meet you there once I answer the telephone." She forced a smile before darting off, mumbling under her breath about 'that Ra-forsaken contraption.'

Bakura looked at her lover and inwardly sighed. She shouldn't have teased Ryou; she knew how moody the PMS made her lover.

"Come along, miw-sher, let's go find the others," Bakura said, steering her lover down the hall.

Ryou blinked. "Miw-sher? What's that mean?"

"I keep forgetting that you don't know ancient Egyptian all that well. I think the Japanese translation is 'koneko,'" Bakura answered.

"Kitten?" Ryou asked disbelievingly. "Why are you calling me a kitten?"

Bakura smirked. "Well, you purr just like one when you're happy–" her suggestive tone of voice made Ryou blush – she meant **sexually** happy, the pervert, "–you like to claw things, my back included–" she shifted her shoulders ruefully; yes, that was another sex reference; Ryou sometimes got carried away during the throws of passion, "–and when you're angry, you hiss like a scalded cat and your hair fluffs up," she finished triumphantly, one hand mussing the snow-white strands playfully.

Luckily, they entered the living room at that moment, saving Bakura from death by one pissed off Ryou-neko.

Unluckily, the two 'girls' in the room still possessed the hentai minds of teenage boys.

The commotion at the doorway caused both Joey and Tristan to turn towards it. They leered slightly at Bakura, as always, but once Ryou came into view, their jaws dropped.

"Wow, Ryou, you look…" Tristan started.

"Yeah," Joey agreed, staring at the white-haired hikari. Ryou looked almost exactly like Bakura – only shorter, and with a larger bust size. Dressed in tight blue jeans and an even tighter T-shirt, it was obvious her new curves couldn't be concealed in her old clothing.

Glaring at the brunette, Ryou said, "I have PMS and only a tentative hold on my control of Shadow Magic. You were saying?" She smiled – more like scowling and baring her teeth – mock-pleasantly.

Tristan gulped.

Joey sighed and shook her head. "You're becomin' more and more like Bakura every day, Ryou," she groused.

Ryou frowned as she flopped down onto the couch, Bakura joining her. "I'm female now, Joey – as are you – so of **course** I'm more like Bakura. Just like you." She smiled sweetly for a moment before her lips turned downward once again as she added, "But this is one area of mutual understanding I could do without." She closed her eyes, brow furrowing with the incipient headache that she'd been plagued with as of late.

Bakura, for her part, just wrapped her arm around her lover, an unreadable expression on her face.

Unreadable except for the humor dancing in her eyes. "Oh, I don't know…" she drawled thoughtfully. "I, for one, am actually glad this happened."

Cracking open one eye and aiming it in a glare towards her lover, Ryou said, voice sugar-sweet, "Oh, really now?"

"Not to you," Bakura was quick to reassure her hikari. "But to them." She pointed to Tristan and Joey.

The blonde and the brunette stopped arguing about the movie selection and stared, eyes flashing, at the white-haired yami.

A raised eyebrow on Tristan's part was the only response Bakura received for her statement.

It was enough encouragement, however, for the thief to continue with her opinion. "Well," she said to Ryou, pointedly ignoring the other two girls, "if things were normal around here, the Hormone Twins would be sneaking peeks at my breasts all afternoon."

The blonde half of the aptly-dubbed 'Hormone Twins' flushed at Bakura's truthful jab.

"Now that they have their own," Bakura continued. "They can stare at each other's." She smirked cattily at the two girls in question.

Joey and Tristan involuntarily did just that, before turning cherry red and averting their gazes so quickly that it was a wonder their eyes didn't pop out of their heads.

_Yaammmiii…_ Ryou chided his other. _That wasn't very nice._

_But it was the truth,_ Bakura countered. _And occasionally the truth hurts – or, at least, as in this case, is extremely embarrassing._ Mental chuckles chased down their mind-link.

Ryou smiled slightly at the good humor in her other's mental voice. _Still…_

_They'll figure it out soon enough, little treasure, don't you worry,_ Bakura said. _If they haven't already._

Ryou sent her yami an inquiring glance. Nodding at the two 'girls,' Bakura just gave her hikari a small smile.

Raising one eyebrow, Ryou looked at Joey and Tristan – and did a double-take. _I see what you mean…_

That was the final word – or thought – on the subject of Joey and Tristan's so-far nonexistent love lives, as Yami and Yugi chose that moment to enter the room.

"Malik called; he and Duke will be late. He said we should start without them," Yami said.

The other four occupants of the room were too busy staring at Yugi to hear the former-spirit's words, however.

Surprisingly, Yugi was female again.

"Yug?" Joey sputtered when she saw her friend. "What in da world…?"

Yugi shrugged, discomfited. "It seemed like a good idea at the time…" She rubbed the back of her neck nervously and declined further comment.

Yami just smile a smug smile, reminiscent of the one the cat wore when she'd gotten both the canary **and** the cream.

* * *

**Ishtar Residence**

**

* * *

**

Raising her hand, Téa was just about to knock on the door when it flew open. Marik was standing there, in jeans and a T-shirt that read _I'm insane, what's your excuse?_, a surprised expression on his face.

"Téa?" he asked, as if he wasn't sure of her name. Entirely possible, since they'd never actually 'met.'

He'd mind-controlled her once, but that didn't involve introductions.

She nodded.

"What are you doing here?" he asked curiously.

"I came to see you." And with that, she ducked under his upraised arm – which was holding the door open – and entered the house without waiting for an invitation.

"Come in, please," he grumbled, one eyebrow raised at her audacity.

"Thanks, I think I will," Téa returned pleasantly.

He rolled his eyes and headed into the living room, plopping down on the couch. She followed him, sitting decorously on the chair catty-corner to the couch.

"I wasn't entirely sure you'd be here," Téa started the conversation.

"Huh?" Marik gave her an inquiring look.

Téa shrugged sheepishly. "I thought maybe you'd be hiding while you were…transformed." She was actually starting to feel a bit guilty for shoving those chocolates down his throat. An eye for an eye, a gender change for a gender change… But still…it hadn't been a very nice thing to do.

She hid a smirk. Though it **was** funny… If she'd ever needed proof that yamis and hikaris were not alike in all ways, the fact that Malik made a fabulous female, and Marik looked **ridiculous** as a girl would have cinched it.

Marik grimaced in remembrance. "I did – but I turned back to normal last week." He brightened and said happily, "Now I'm free, free forever of being female."

Téa gave him a crafty smile. "Unless I sneak you another one of those chocolates. I saved a few, you know." She wasn't lying about that – she **had** saved some of those chocolates. One never knew when such a thing could come in handy – but she didn't have any plans to use them on anybody, least of all Marik, any time soon.

Eyes going wide, Marik whimpered. "Damn it," he muttered. "Ra save me from vengeful women."

Shrugging nonchalantly, Téa said, "Hell hath no fury like a woman pissed off."

Marik snorted. "Reminds me of Bakura. She scares the shit out of me."

"Me too," Tea revealed, and they shared a laugh, before falling silent. She stared at the floor, Marik gazing off across the room.

Once he got tired of staring at the wall – and with his attention span, that wasn't long – Marik asked, "So, why are you here, anyway?"

"Like I said, I came to see you," Téa repeated.

"Yes, but **why**?" Marik stressed. "You and I have never even talked before."

"Unless you count using me as the bait in your duel with Joey," Téa replied smartly.

Marik flushed and ducked his head. "Yeah, unless you count that," he said ruefully.

They were silent for a moment, before Marik finally asked curiously, "Did I ever apologize for that?"

"Ano…I don't think so," Téa said slowly, slightly surprised. She knew Marik wasn't evil anymore, but she hadn't thought it was in his nature to feel remorse for his past actions. He'd been doing what – at the time – he'd felt was the right thing to do. So why would he regret it?

She'd probably never know, but it was nice of him to make the gesture.

"Yeah, well…I'm sorry," Marik said gruffly.

"Apology accepted," Téa said softly, surprised once more. Even if Marik did feel sorry for what he'd done, she hadn't expected him to come right out and say he was. She'd expected his questioning whether or not he'd apologized to be the apology itself.

But then again, she didn't really know him all that well. None of them – besides Malik, Bakura, and maybe Ryou – did.

"Really?" Marik asked cautiously, as if unable to believe it was that easy.

Téa smiled slightly and nodded. "Really."

A slow grin spread across his face. Marik flushed and ducked his head. "Thanks," he said softly.

"You seem surprised I accepted your apology," Téa couldn't help but remark.

Marik looked up and huffed disbelievingly. "In my experience, people don't often forgive the megalomaniacal idiots who try and kill them," he said dryly.

"Megalomaniacal?" Téa asked laughingly.

Shrugging, Marik said, "Well, I **did** want to take over the world…"

"Which is where the 'idiot' part comes in, I'm sure," Téa said drolly. "I mean, even in Sunday morning anime shows, the bad guy has better goals than to take over the world."

"Are you saying I'm a kid?" Marik asked, one indigo eye twitching in irritation.

"You said it, not me," Téa replied, almost unable to believe her own daring. Back in Battle City, she'd been so afraid of Marik; afraid for her very soul, not just her life. But now, with him acting like any other teenage boy – well, any other teenage **yami** with all the magic of the Shadow Realm at his command and a Millennium Item to wield – most of his fearsomeness had gone by the wayside.

Marik sighed and slumped back on the couch, folding his arms across his chest in indignation. "I know everyone thinks of me like a kid," he said to the floor, pouting like a five-year-old. "But it's not my fault!"

Stifling the urge to ask whose fault he thought it was – she had a feeling she already knew – Téa gave the mass of humanity sitting across from her in a miserable morass a compassionate glance. "It's not Malik's fault, either, Marik," she pointed out gently.

Marik glanced up from his brooding contemplation of the carpet and looked at her as if she'd just spoken in ancient Egyptian – and he couldn't understand it. "I never thought it was," he said.

Téa blinked. "Oh."

Shaking off his bemusement, Marik repeated, "It isn't my fault. Bakura and the Pharaoh learned about modern times from their hikaris. But I could only come out when Rishid was unconscious – and I didn't have that much access to Malik's mind then. So I didn't learn nearly as much from Malik in the nine years we had together as Yugi did with three, or Ryou with seven. I'm lucky I can understand ancient Egyptian, never mind Japanese or English."

Téa nodded to show she'd understood. She hadn't, however, just been listening to Marik's words. She'd also listened to how his voice softened with affection and yearning whenever he spoke of Malik. And the look in his eyes…

"You miss him, don't you?" Téa burst out.

Marik blinked, startlement laced with fear now in his eyes.

"Malik, I mean," Téa clarified, less exuberantly. She'd thought Marik was angry at Malik for reminding him of his failures – now she saw that he just missed his hikari. And now that Malik had hooked up with Duke, Marik would see even less of him.

Marik fidgeted for a moment before giving a soft, "Hai." He looked away. "It's just…I…" Marik sighed and started again. "Malik and I have always been together. From the time he was eight until that day in the park this spring, we were inseparable – and I mean that literally. True, we almost never interacted until Battle City–" here he grimaced, "–and it definitely wasn't **stable** interaction…but we were never apart."

"And now you are," Téa said compassionately, finally grasping Marik's motivation for all the gender change spells.

Marik nodded. "It's…he…" He sighed. "He was always there, before. And now Malik has his own life…one I'm not always a part of. But I don't…" He trailed off and ducked his head.

"But you don't really **have** a life of your own," Téa realized. "Despite having a legal identity now."

Marik nodded. "Malik knows how to be an independent entity. I…it's a whole new thing for me. And I don't like it." He folded his arms and pouted.

Téa hid a smile at the childish gesture. "You may not like it now, but give it time."

"Time," Marik snarled, jumping up from the couch and pacing back and forth in front of it. "It's all about time. Malik never has any time for me anymore – none of them do. And I'm all alone here all day long. It's boring!" he flopped back down on the sofa, glaring at the ceiling.

"Maybe you should try and make some friends," Téa suggested.

"Like who?" Marik asked, looking over at her. "You?" He snorted. "Even if anyone in your group was willing to give me a chance, I would have alienated pretty much all of them with those chocolates."

Téa smiled wryly. "I think they're all a little pissed at you, but they don't **hate** you, Marik."

"Easy for you to say," Marik said petulantly. "You weren't affected by the spell."

Téa sighed and shook her head. Along with a child's temperament, Marik also had a child's stubbornness.

Time for a new tactic.

"Why did you do it, Marik?" Téa asked.

"Well, mostly, I just wanted to cause chaos," he said, lounging back on the couch, a lazy grin on his face. "But also I was tired of seeing Taylor and the mutt dancing around each other and figured if it worked for Malik and Duke, it might get them together."

Téa's jaw dropped. "You're kidding."

Marik shook his head. "Nope."

"You knew?" she demanded incredulously. "I thought Mai and I were the only ones who'd noticed." She looked rather put out by having her assumption broken.

Marik smirked. "You two, and me…and Bakura and Ryou, and I'm pretty sure when Mai figured it out she told Kaiba…"

Téa mock-grimaced. "So much for my career as an omniscient entity," she said flippantly.

"If you stole Isis' Tauk, you could make a go of it," Marik offered brightly.

Téa gave a crooked grin. "If I tried, don't you think she'd see me coming?" she pointed out.

"Good point."

She laughed. This meeting was turning out better than she ever could have dreamed…

But why did she have the feeling that even when it was over…it wouldn't be **over**?


	6. Week 5

**Getting Back To Abnormal**

* * *

**In Which Things (And People) Change – And Change Back**

* * *

**Japanese**

Ano – Um…  
Arigatou – Thank You  
Chisaii Houko – Little Treasure  
Ecchi – (Playfully) Pervert/Perverted  
Nani? – What?

* * *

**Ryou And Bakura's House**

**

* * *

**

"YES!"

Started by the loud exclamation, Bakura dropped the egg she was just getting ready to break into the bowl of brownie mix she'd planned to break it into. Scowling, she noticed that thankfully the egg had not broken on contact with the cocoa-colored powder and proceeded to fish the white oval out before continuing with her baking. Whatever it was that had Ryou so manic obviously wasn't bad, or she wouldn't have sounded so jubilant.

And Bakura would have felt terror through their mind-link instead of intense happiness.

Besides, Ryou had taken to eating chocolate to combat her PMS, and she'd eaten the last of the double chocolate fudge cake yesterday. Bakura felt a shudder run through her as she thought about how pissy her hikari had been before they'd discovered that remedy.

She was **so** glad she'd managed to luck out of having PMS.

When she maimed people, she wanted to be aware enough of her actions to enjoy it.

The sound of bare feet pelting down the stairs reached her ears, and Bakura tensed, turning towards the doorway, prepared for anything.

Except for what came through the door. Her lover – her **male** lover.

"Isn't it a bit too soon for you to be back to normal?" were the first words Bakura could think of to say. She winced, her surprise at the situation causing her to forgo censoring her words.

Ryou nodded eagerly, too happy at his retransformation to be miffed at his girlfriend's reaction. "I thought so too, but… I don't care! I'm **me** again!" he whooped, dancing around in a circle.

A full-blown grin cracked the formerly sober façade of Bakura's face as she watched her hikari cabbage patch around the kitchen. Seeing Ryou do something so – well, not stupid, because she'd never call him that, but – **silly** was not a normal occurrence.

"You were always you, chisaii houko," Bakura said dryly. "If much more chocolate addicted." She smirked.

Ryou mock-glared at his yami. His eyes flicked back and forth between her smiling face and the bowl in her hands.

Surrendering to the inevitable, Bakura sighed. "Yes, I'm still going to make you brownies, Ryou." Normally she'd be a bit put out at the fact that these past two weeks she'd been relegated to the role of 'housewife,' but… Well, Ryou was an okay cook, but he tended to forget things.

Like the fact that he had something in the oven, or on the stove… There was a reason that one of the first things she'd done when she got her new body was make sure to learn how to use a fire extinguisher.

Ryou wasn't such a bad cook that he couldn't manage a simple brownie mix – especially when it came in a box and you only had to add a few ingredients. But for some reason, the smell of eggs had made Ryou nauseous during her PMS, so Bakura was the one who cooked.

It was worth it to make Ryou happy. Like he was now.

Brightening, Ryou threw his arms around her as best he could while she was encumbered by her bowl of brownie mix. "Arigatou, 'Kura!" he chirped.

One arm coming around to hold her hikari close, Bakura shook her head at his antics. _**Definitely** worth it._ "You're welcome, Ryou," she murmured.

It was good to have things back to abnormal.

* * *

**Kaiba Mansion**

**

* * *

**

"So, how have you been handling things?" Téa asked Mai as they settled into the kitchen.

Mai shrugged. "Things went fine that week," she said dismissively.

Téa raised one eyebrow at the complacency of the blonde's words.

Mai quirked a grin. "Oh, we had a few problems, but on the whole, I think this whole thing brought us closer together."

Sensing she wasn't going to get any details from the other woman – Mai was as protective of Seto's privacy as she was of her own – Téa said, "Well, I'm glad. It seems this didn't turn out as bad as it could have. For everyone, as far as I can tell."

"Oh?"

Téa nodded, sipping her tea. "Malik and Duke were okay, of course. They've dealt with at least half of this craziness before. I heard from Yugi that things with Ryou and Bakura were a little rocky at first – it seems the poor boy…er, girl…got her period the first week."

Mai grimaced. "Ouch. Rough way to get introduced to the feminine mystique, ne?"

Téa nodded, smiling slightly at the inherent and undeniable humor of the situation. "Ryou seemed really put out about that, too. Apparently, Malik got his – ano, **her** period, but only after three and a half weeks of being female. I think Ryou thought he wouldn't get his since he was only supposed to be changed for three weeks or so. Luckily, he changed back sooner than planned – she had 24/7 PMS."

Mai chuckled. "Poor girl."

Téa nodded her agreement. "I'm just glad that both Joey and Tristan changed back before they had to deal with that." She shuddered. "I can't imagine it."

"Joey Wheeler on the rag," Mai said, awed dread dripping from every word. She shook off the horrific thoughts. "I'm beginning to wonder if that guy Murphy used Shadow Magic. It would explain this crazy summer."

"I know," Téa said, shaking her head.

"So what about the rest of the guys?" Mai asked. "I've been in to see Yugi and Yami a couple of times, and they seemed okay."

"Pretty much so," Téa agreed. "I think it caused them a few problems what with Yugi being changed for such a shorter time, but I heard from Yugi that he got some advice from Kaiba that really helped him out."

"Yes, Seto told me about that," Mai replied, her tone indicating that she wasn't going to divulge just what the 'advice' was.

Téa inclined her head in acceptance of the unspoken declaration. "And Yami should turn back any day now, so it's all good. Everyone will finally be back to their correct gender – including Mokuba."

Mai giggled. "Oh, you heard about that?"

Téa nodded, barely managing to suppress her own laughter. "Kind of hard not to. Serenity told Joey – **after** the fact, of course – and I had to deal with him threatening death on **both** of the Kaibas."

Mai buried her mirth in her tea, finally coming up for air. "Any other changes?" she asked, sipping her tea.

Reviewing the happenings of the past few weeks, Téa grinned conspiratorially. "Speaking of Joey… I think the biggest change was with him and Tristan," she revealed.

Mai gasped. "They finally got together?" she asked eagerly.

"Yes!" Téa crowed, laughing out loud. "Apparently the close quarters finally got to them and they had a fight that ended up with them making out on Tristan's living room floor. Back **before** they changed back."

Mai cocked a blonde brow. "And just how did you come by this information?"

Shifting uncomfortably in her seat, Téa finally said, "Ano…I went to talk to Marik last week."

"Nani?" Mai squeaked.

Discomfited, Téa said, "I thought that what with Malik staying with Duke, and Isis and Rishid working all day, he might be lonely. Plus, I figured someone should talk to him before he tried something like this again."

Mai's brows furrowed in thought, a silent indication for her friend to continue.

"Well, Malik told us that Marik's mental age is different from his apparent physical one," Téa told her. "He's at about age thirteen mentally. Growing up pretty fast though; when he was first formed it was about eight. All the trouble he's caused lately seems like a cry for attention to me."

"You thought he might be lonely," Mai said, reiterating Téa's first words abut the Egyptian yami.

Téa nodded. "I was right. Apparently, he missed sharing a body with Malik more than the others. It was all he'd ever known – Marik never even had his own body before this Spring."

"Ohhhh…" Mai said in a dawning comprehension. "I never even thought of that."

Téa sighed and looked down, contemplating the leaves in her teacup. "Neither did I. Neither did any of us, I think. Except maybe Malik, but he didn't know what to do about it."

"You think your little talk helped?" Mai asked.

"I don't know," Téa admitted. "I hope so." _And I hope the fact that I agreed to hang out with Marik wasn't as bad an idea as I fear it was._

* * *

**Kame Game Shop – Upstairs Bedroom**

**

* * *

**

The morning of what would herald Yami's fifth week as girl dawned bright and sunny, the rays of light shining softly through the bedroom window.

On a decidedly **male** Yami.

* * *

"How do you suppose this happened?" Yami asked curiously, drinking in the sight of his nude – and once more masculine – body in the mirror.

Yugi hid a grin at this show of vanity. "Well, like I said, we didn't really know how long it would last. But if I had to hazard a guess…"

Yami raised one raven brow. "Yes?"

Yugi smirked. "A person's metabolism factored into how long the spell would take to wear off. All the sex we had must have worked the spell off faster."

Yami blushed and snatched a towel from the rack to cover his groin. "Ecchi," he chided.

"Look who's talking," Yugi shot back. "Mr. 'Why don't you eat another one of those chocolates so you can find out what sex as a girl is like, Yugi?'"

Yami made a face.


	7. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

* * *

**It's The End Of The Gender Changes (As They Know It)…And They Feel _Damn_ Fine**

* * *

**In Which All Was Weirdly Normal Once Again In Domino City**

* * *

**Japanese**

Arigatou Gozaimasu – Thank You Very Much  
Hentai – Pervert/Perverted

* * *

**Hard Rock Café**

**

* * *

**

"Over here, guys!" Téa called as she spotted Yugi and Yami – and surprisingly, Malik – across the room. They waved back and made their way through the post-lunchtime rush.

"Hey, Téa," Yugi greeted, giving his friend a hug.

"Good to see you, Yugi, Yami, Malik," she replied. "Have a seat."

Malik flashed her a quick grin, obviously still not entirely comfortable with the other members of the group.

_Or maybe it's just his **body** he's uncomfortable with,_ Téa surmised as she noted his awkwardness of movement. Spending almost seven weeks as a girl – with only one week in between as a guy – had probably thrown off Malik's whole sense of balance and personal space.

"So, what've you been up to lately?" Yugi asked as they all settled down at a table in the back of the café.

Téa shrugged. "Nothing much. I've been taking a dance class on Saturday mornings. I caught up on my reading. I went to see the _Rocky Horror Picture Show_ with Marik…" She shook her head, an amused grin on her face. "What a trip!" _**That** was an experience I'll never forget… Marik is gold lamé and fishnet tights… Eesh. Disturbing._

_Disturbing that I found him sexy like that… And where did Marik dig those clothes up, anyway?_

"Marik?" Yugi squeaked, bringing Téa out of her worrying thoughts.

Nodding, the brunette said, "Uh-huh. This weekend we're having a Monty Python marathon." Her expression was caught halfway between a bemused smile and tolerant resignation.

"Marik?" Yami repeated, disbelief etched across his every feature.

Téa covered up her nervousness at their reactions by frowning in pretended puzzlement. "Did you not hear me the first time?"

"No, we did, just… Why have you been hanging out with my yami?" Malik asked.

"Marik and I are the only ones still unattached," Téa pointed out. "Yugi and Yami are always together; so are Bakura and Ryou. You and Duke got together not too long ago, and Joey and Tristan are still in the honeymoon phase. Marik and I are both at loose ends."

Malik frowned, not liking the sound of that. "If he's bothering you…"

Vigorously shaking her head, Téa said, "Ever since you moved in with Duke, he's been lonely. And he's fun to hang out with." She grinned. "He likes Dance Dance Revolution almost as much as I do. And he's really good at it, too," she enthused.

"Marik? Dancing?" Yami sputtered.

"Yes, Pharaoh, dancing," Marik agreed, popping up from around the corner and heading for the table the four friends were all sitting at. "It's that thing you do where you move your feet to music." He dropped down into a chair next to Téa and stole a sip of her mocha cappuccino.

Raising one eyebrow, Téa drawled dryly, "You're welcome."

Marik grinned unrepentantly. "Arigatou gozaimasu," he quipped.

Eyes narrowing at the byplay between Téa and his yami, Malik asked, "What are you doing here?" a little more bluntly than he'd intended.

"Well, I could say that I'm here to take part in your charming company since you're never at home anymore," Marik dug. "But I'd be lying." Slinging one arm companionably over Téa's shoulder, he said, "Bright Eyes over here was supposed to meet me at the bookstore across the street in an hour, so I thought I'd get some coffee before then since I had nothing better to do."

"You **hate** coffee," Malik said, frowning in confusion.

Marik shrugged and sent the brunette doubling as his armrest a sidelong glance. "Some things grow on you," he said dismissively.

"Like mold on a damp tomb," Bakura put in, coming up behind the other yami. She cuffed the blond upside the head – making it clear which fungus she was referring to – before taking a seat next to him.

"I'm surprised to see you here, Marik," Ryou said a bit more diplomatically than his lover. He pulled up a chair next to the two Egyptians.

"It seemed like the place to be," Marik said, pointedly sending a glance his hikari's way. "Almost everyone else is here."

Malik shrugged, not at all embarrassed. "It was a spur of the moment thing. I called the house this morning to invite you, but Rishid said you'd left already."

Marik made a noise of acceptance and an awkward silence settled over the seven teenagers.

Moments later, a loud growl – coming from the vicinity of Téa's stomach – broke the quiet atmosphere of the café.

Blushing as the other six teens all swiveled around to stare at her, Téa ducked her head. "Sorry."

Eyeing the girl's midsection with teasing trepidation, Marik couldn't help but ask, "Did you swallow a Kuriboh?" At the shocked looks on everyone's faces – save the girl in question – he added, "Because it sure as hell sounds like it." He poked her exposed bellybutton, causing her to giggle like the Pillsbury Doughboy.

Téa chuckled at his antics, the color finally fading from her cheeks. "No. I just didn't have breakfast," she explained.

Yami frowned. "But it is the most important meal of the day, is it not?"

Yugi rolled his eyes. "You shouldn't take everything you hear on TV so seriously, Yami," he said tiredly, as if this was an old conversation.

Tilting his head to the side in confusion, Yami asked, "So it **isn't** important?"

Téa sighed. "Yes, it is important, but it's not life-threatening if you don't eat breakfast," she explained, seeing as how Yugi hadn't had a chance to order any coffee yet, and she knew he wasn't good for anything cerebral until he'd had at least two cups. "And I don't normally skip meals, but my mother is on her back to school cleaning spree. From sunup to sundown today, no speck of dirt in our house is safe from her – and anyone she can get to help. It was either skip breakfast or be conscripted to scrub the toilets." She grimaced. "I chose to go hungry."

"Well, since I drank half your coffee, I think it only fair that I buy you a snack," Marik told her. Digging into the pockets of his olive green cargo pants, he pulled out a handful of yen and started to sift through the coins, counting as he went. "I think I have enough to get us each a muffin."

Téa's eyes lit up. "Chocolate chip?"

Marik grinned at her. "But of course! What other kind of muffins are there?" he asked as he hopped up from his chair, thus relieving Téa of the burden – not that she saw it that way – of supporting his arm.

Once Marik had left on his journey to find chocolate chip muffins, Malik – after shooting a glance after him to make sure he was gone – leaned across the table towards Téa. "Look," he hissed. "I love Marik, and now that he's not evil and insane anymore, I kinda like him, too. But I really don't see where you'd have all that much in common – even if he does like dancing."

Téa sighed and gave him a half-apologetic, half-compassionate look. "You don't really know him all that well, Malik. You have to actually **talk** to someone to get to know them, and neither of you have managed to escape the male stereotype of not liking to talk about your feelings."

"Then tell me about him," Malik implored. "What am I missing about Marik that would make you like him so much?"

"He's fun," Téa said simply. "He has a great, quirky sense of humor. And whenever we go somewhere or do something, it's like he's seeing it for the first time."

"He probably **is**," Bakura interjected.

Téa nodded wryly. "True, but still… He makes me look at things in whole new ways. And I like that."

"Still…you're **dating** my **yami**?" Malik looked as if he'd swallowed a lemon.

"We're just friends," Téa defended their actions, but there was a suspicious red tint to her cheeks.

"Like Joey and Tristan?" Ryou asked, hiding a laugh. "Who aren't here, I might add, because when I called them, they were, and I quote Joey directly 'too fucking busy fucking to get some fucking coffee'?"

Téa somehow managed to blush at Ryou's words **and** glare daggers at said hikari. "Traitor," she hissed at him.

"I calls 'em as I sees 'em," Ryou said easily.

"So do I," Bakura put in. She grinned broadly. "And I see you two are getting to be **very** friendly."

Téa growled, uncharacteristically of her usual sunny nature. "Stuff it, 'Kura," she said.

"I see by your choice of vernacular that you've been picking up Marik's speech patterns," Malik noted, adding, under his breath, "Among other things…"

Téa shrugged noncommittally.

Malik sighed mock-heavily. "He's been rubbing off on you," he said sadly. He cast a suggestive look at her, causing her cheeks to heat once more. "And not in a good way."

Becoming weary of the circular course Téa and Malik's conversation was taking, Yami glanced around for a life raft in this oasis of gloom. What he found fit the bill, but it wasn't exactly the savior he'd been looking for… "And speaking of the psycho…" Yami muttered, catching sight of the aforementioned Egyptian yami out of the corner of his eye.

"Yami, be nice," Yugi chided his other.

Eyes flashing red with passion, Yami purred, "Oh, I can be **very** nice…when I want to be, aibou."

Yugi coughed and cleared his throat.

Téa rolled her eyes at this display of pseudo macho muscle flexing. She was **so** glad Marik wasn't like that.

He preferred witty repartee to sexual innuendo. It was why he made such a good friend.

_Don't think about how he could be more,_ Téa chided herself. _Take things as they come… _She winced. _Oooh, my back brain is on overdrive – giving me double entendres right and left. _She sighed inaudibly._ I am such a hentai…_

"Here we are!" Marik announced gaily, breaking Téa out of her self-castigating thoughts. He set down a tray with two chocolate chip muffins, a tin of butter, two plastic knives and some napkins on it on the table. Giving Téa a charming smile, he brought one fist to chest over his heart and bowed his head in mock-subservience as he declared, "Lady Téa…I have braved the vast and dangerous wilds of the urban jungle known as the Great Hard Rock Café. I have done battle with hostile cashiers to harvest the fruit of the Muffin Man in the magnificent – but much-guarded – territory known only as the Chocolate Chip Valley to provide for your sustenance, milady."

Téa giggled at his theatrics. "Why thank you, kind sir," she said as she graciously accepted the muffin and butter tin Marik handed her and started peeling the wrapper off the former. He plopped down into his chair and set to eating his own muffin.

"I never thought I'd see the day when you'd be acting like an idiot over a girl…" Malik muttered under his breath, his words meant for, but not directed to his yami. "Acting like an idiot over anything else…"

Marik turned confused eyes on his hikari. "Huh?" he mumbled through a mouthful of fluffy chocolate chip-laden dough. He swallowed. "What'd you say, 'Li?"

"Nothing." Malik forced a cheerful smile. _Okay, fine, so they're not dating…yet. Would it really be so bad if they were?_

_Ra, yes!_

"When did you develop a sense of humor, Marik?" Bakura asked, interrupting Malik's silent brooding. Yami Baiting was a game the both of them liked to play – Bakura and Marik were always trying to one-up each other, normally at Yami's expense instead of each other's; but this instance was too good to pass up – and it was always fun to watch.

"When did you develop boobs, Bakura?" Marik returned smartly, eyeing her more-exposed-than-usual cleavage with a gaze that could almost be felt. He smiled a mocking smile as she shifted in discomfiture.

But the former tomb-robber was not going to let Marik get to her. "About five thousand and seven years ago, give or take a millennia." She smirked at the sour scowl her words brought to the other yami's face.

Téa chuckled as she spread low-fat margarine on her muffin, bringing Marik's attention away from glaring at Bakura and back to her.

"You guys fight just like Joey and Tristan," she said at their questioning looks, taking a bite of her now-buttery muffin and chewing. A moment passed as the rest of the table digested her oddball comment – and Téa digested her muffin – before she grinned broadly and added, "Only without the underlying sexual tension."

Marik barked a laugh. "I should hope so, Bright Eyes. Me and Bakura?" He shuddered theatrically. "As Ryou would say, 'Perish the thought!'"

"Actually, I'd say, 'They're like oil and water,'" Ryou put in, a smile tugging at his lips.

"More like nitro and glycerin," Marik countered, stealing another sip of Téa's cappuccino with which to wash down his muffin. She sent him a humor-skewed scowl, though even the semblance of displeasure left her face at the next conversational gambit.

"Stable as long as they're apart, but get together, and one little upset…" Malik chimed in, having finally thrown off the last of his malaise of gloom to join in the conversation. "A potentially terrible combination, and **always** volatile." He shook his head.

Grinning broadly, Marik threw a chunk of his muffin up in the air and opened his mouth wide beneath it, imitating the shrieky whistling sound a missile would make as it plummeted towards Earth. "Eeeyaarrrnngghhh…" As the doughy morsel neared its target, he let out a loud 'bombing' sound – "FWOOM!" – before snapping it up, chewing and then swallowing as the others at the table looked on in awe, Téa actually jumping slightly in startlement.

Or, in Malik, Ryou and Bakura's case, tolerant amusement. They'd seen Marik do this sort of thing **many** times before and it had become old hat in their inner circle of mild insanity.

"Ah, sanity, how I will miss thee," Téa murmured into her cup of cappuccino. Only Yugi, Yami and Malik heard her whispered words, the last of whom snorted. _But not much,_ she added silently, taking in Marik's smug smile. Some things were worth giving up a sane and normal lifestyle for. Friends were at the top of the list – after all, she could've run screaming after Yami and Bakura's first Shadow Duel, ne? Now she was so far gone sanity-wise she'd actually **sought out** Marik for a chat and was now hanging out with him on a semi-regular basis.

_Kami-sama, don't let me regret this,_ she prayed as she downed the last of her muffin, chasing it with the chocolaty dregs of her coffee.

Popping the last bite of his muffin into his mouth, Marik dusted his hands of crumbs and rose from the table. "See you guys later," he said to the table at large. "I've got places to go, people to drive insane." He smiled crazily.

Yami huffed. "I'll just bet you do," he muttered darkly.

Marik shot him a hard glare, but then relaxed and pointedly turned his back on the former Pharaoh. Gallantly holding out a hand to the brunette, he said, "C'mon, Téa, let's go."

"Go where?" Téa asked, though she accepted his hand up.

"To the video store to rent Monty Python movies," he answered, his tone saying he would have liked to add 'of course' to the end of his sentence, but was curbing his snarky impulse and being polite – as polite as he ever got – for her sake.

Ah, young love…

How weird it is.

"I thought we were going to watch those this weekend," Téa replied, brow furrowing as she collected her purse and jacket. "And we were going to the bookstore today."

"If we wait until this weekend, someone might rent one of the Monty Python movies before we can. On a weekday, we can get all of them," Marik pointed out. "And the bookstore is having a two-for-one sale this weekend. It's better if we switch our plans around."

Téa made a thoughtful hmm-ing noise and nodded. "Sounds reasonable," she conceded.

"Which is a real switch for Marik," Bakura cracked in an aside to her hikari.

"Indeed," Ryou intoned, shaking his head. _What men won't do for a pretty girl,_ he sent to her, mental 'voice' tinged with mirth.

_And what pretty girls won't do for their men,_ Bakura agreed.

Sensing that with the departure of both its sanest and wackiest members, the party was about to break up, the yami/hikari pair made their excuses before leaving the table. They took their leave just as Marik was making yet another pun-filled joke.

"Besides…the Holy Grail waits for no man," Marik declared. "Or woman." He grinned.

"The Holy Grail?" Téa asked bemusedly as she let herself be tugged along to the exit by the Egyptian. "I thought we were watching Monty Python, not Indiana Jones."

"Ah, my dear," Marik said, steering Téa towards the exit. "Allow me to fill you in on what you've missed by not taking part in the greatness of American culture that is the 'parody movie.' I'll tell you all about Monty Python and the Holy Grail, the Knights of Ni, the Killer Bunny of Antioch, and the differences between an African and a European swallow…"

Malik sighed as he watched the two friends-slash-unlikely-lovebirds walk out of sight. "This day is getting too weird for me. Even as our correct genders, our group is still a bunch of oddballs. I'm outta here." Rising from his chair, he sketched a quick wave at Yami and Yugi, saying, "See you when I see you," and headed for the door.

And then there were two…

Exchanging a bemused look with his lover, Yugi said, "Well…I suppose it's good that things are getting back to our normal level of weirdness."

Yami huffed. "You're kidding, right? **Nothing** is ever normal in Domino City. Not even our weirdness. Our normality is everyone else's **ab**normality."

"Well, what's wrong with that?" Yugi asked practically.

Sighing, Yami slumped down into his chair, staring moodily into his cappuccino. "I don't know… I just think that, sometimes…it might be nice to be like everybody else."

"Fitting in isn't all it's cracked up to be," Yugi told him. "And besides…some people seem to think homosexuality is abnormal," he pointed out.

Yami blinked, surfacing from his contemplation of the rapidly cooling caffeinated beverage in front of him. "They do? That's…stupid," he said bluntly.

Yugi laughed. "Yes, it is." Sending his other a coy look, he suggested, "How about we practice some of that 'abnormality' at home?"

"Huh?" Yami's forehead wrinkled in confusion.

Hiding a grin at the other's befuddlement, Yugi elaborated, "Well, Grandpa won't be back from his trip for another four days…and we still have a half-full bottle of chocolate sauce in the refrigerator."

Yami's eyes lit up at the mention of the syrupy treat. "You know, aibou…maybe normality **is** overrated." He shoved his chair back from the table and rose to his feet, extending one hand for Yugi to take.

Accepting the hand up with his usual aplomb, Yugi followed his lover to the exit. "I certainly think so," he agreed happily. _After all, we should definitely enjoy this lull in the insanity we call our lives while we can, _he thought pragmatically._ Calm before the storm…more like a calm before the end of the world, where we're concerned…_

* * *

THE END


End file.
